I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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