I want to have your abortion
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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