White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
