Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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