i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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