Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize