I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
