Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
