It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
