physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
