apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
