Where is the hickey?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
