3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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