Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
