the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
