but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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