The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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