Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
