i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
