she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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