you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
