dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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