I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
