I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
