I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
