either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
