I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
