My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
