the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
