I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize