I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
