Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I need water and some morals
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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