Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize