We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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