If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
