Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just gift wrapped bread.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
