so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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