I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
