i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
