Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
