when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
