The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
