forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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