saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
