it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
