Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
