She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
