WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
jump out the window naked night went bad
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
