the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
