U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
