was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
