Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
