Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
