Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
