I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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