I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
