I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
