new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
