I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
