I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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