i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
