My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
