She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
