I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Boobs are out for the taking
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
