I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i think i have two assholes
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
