i wish peter jackson would direct porn
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
