am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
