just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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