so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
