Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
