no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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