Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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