Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize