please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
