dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
